tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post335048419943157814..comments2023-06-01T07:00:31.254-05:00Comments on This is Not Hitchhiker's Guide: A New Perspectivedontpanic2011http://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-37291114071218088132012-06-02T21:31:01.720-05:002012-06-02T21:31:01.720-05:00His arrival is definitely a mixed tiding. I'm...His arrival is definitely a mixed tiding. I'm not sure yet how Kieran will react to him after this scene. I hope to get to that part during Camp NaNoWriMo.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-74367413271275608882012-06-02T20:30:12.275-05:002012-06-02T20:30:12.275-05:00Much like Shel, I thought Mama was going to find b...Much like Shel, I thought Mama was going to find bad news waiting on the doorstep. I'm not convinced Shawn is good news, but kids are generally pretty good judges of character and intent, if we allow them to be. I wonder will he befriend Shawn...Cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05407917830307384493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-3422122323674322272012-06-01T16:08:43.037-05:002012-06-01T16:08:43.037-05:00You know - that take on the soldier at the door ne...You know - that take on the soldier at the door never crossed my mind but, yeah, that is almost what it looks like. Shawn and Mama have a rather complicated relationship and Kieran just isn't old enough to understand it. I am glad to hear the emotional intensity I was looking for is coming through in the scene. Thanks!dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-18882829113747970592012-06-01T16:06:20.104-05:002012-06-01T16:06:20.104-05:00Yeah - the pesky word count made it hard. I will ...Yeah - the pesky word count made it hard. I will have to tweak that a little if I end up using this in the longer work about Shawn. Kieran is about 3-4 years old in this piece. I'll put up a post when the longer work is in shape enough to let others read.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-30788538580246331782012-06-01T16:04:22.520-05:002012-06-01T16:04:22.520-05:00This may not help much then, but they weren't ...This may not help much then, but they weren't actually arguing. "Mama" and Shawn have a rather complex relationship that is well beyond Kieran's limited understanding. Thanks for stopping by!dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-73996244320348088482012-06-01T16:03:06.675-05:002012-06-01T16:03:06.675-05:00Yep. I am working on more in the form of a longer...Yep. I am working on more in the form of a longer piece that will tie all of these bits about Shawn together.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-85480580453522097022012-06-01T16:02:05.773-05:002012-06-01T16:02:05.773-05:00I am going to work on writing a draft of Shawn'...I am going to work on writing a draft of Shawn's entire story for Camp NaNoWriMo this month. I'll be sure to post when it's done and at least fit enough for someone else to read.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-92032275645909407832012-06-01T16:01:01.957-05:002012-06-01T16:01:01.957-05:00Thanks! Editing isn't always my strong suit s...Thanks! Editing isn't always my strong suit so I appreciate the feedback on that score.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-1678233292810076952012-06-01T15:59:55.622-05:002012-06-01T15:59:55.622-05:00That was why I wanted to do this particular point ...That was why I wanted to do this particular point of view. Kids are sharper than we tend to give them credit for even though they can't tell us that. I am glad I could get that to show in this piece.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-71637764446855493502012-06-01T15:58:53.321-05:002012-06-01T15:58:53.321-05:00Trust me - it all fits together nice and neat, wel...Trust me - it all fits together nice and neat, well maybe not neat, but nice at the end.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-4988793280753970672012-06-01T15:45:30.292-05:002012-06-01T15:45:30.292-05:00Hmm, Mamma's reaction lead me to believe she w...Hmm, Mamma's reaction lead me to believe she was getting "that visit" you know, when the wife or mother of a soldier finds strange men in uniform unannounced on her doorstep. I love that the reaction was intense enough to scare the kid so that no matter how the situation played out, the kid was still scared. Well done!Shelton Keys Dunninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10551666631783476472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-50520594832078473652012-06-01T14:35:21.282-05:002012-06-01T14:35:21.282-05:00I liked how Shawn got down on Kiernan's level ...I liked how Shawn got down on Kiernan's level to speak to him. I didn't get a sense of how old the boy was, but I am intrigues and want to know more.TMWHickmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11099277984216556857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-44159917294556373602012-06-01T14:30:39.911-05:002012-06-01T14:30:39.911-05:00I wanted to know what they were arguing about. And...I wanted to know what they were arguing about. And why he was bleeding. Nice things to hook me there.Kathleen Basihttp://www.kathleenbasi.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-287237134988671262012-06-01T12:15:12.818-05:002012-06-01T12:15:12.818-05:00Intriguing story and I felt placed right there wit...Intriguing story and I felt placed right there with the imagery. More?Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04841767868797265391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-76962233768917080342012-06-01T10:24:03.594-05:002012-06-01T10:24:03.594-05:00Great job with the prompt and like Julie, said, wi...Great job with the prompt and like Julie, said, with Kieran's emotions and thoughts. Looking forward to more!Jennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06666555088992266185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-32996188689189148852012-06-01T10:22:27.237-05:002012-06-01T10:22:27.237-05:00Excellent take on the prompt!! I really enjoyed ho...Excellent take on the prompt!! I really enjoyed how you used the pov of a child to further challenge yourself! I especially liked: "The man standing in the front door was huge, like the soldiers on his Saturday morning vids." - Everyone is huge to a kid! I think this point of view can allow you to look at things we take for granted - big soldiers - form an entirely unique perspective.<br /><br />Some notes:<br />"The man standing in the front door was huge, like the soldiers on his Saturday morning vids. Eyes wide, he..."<br />Sounds like this "he" refers to the man and not the child.<br /><br />"soap falling like snow. "<br />beautiful!<br /><br />editorial bits:<br />"It’s ok[ay]. Mama’s just surprised. Let’s go see who he is[.]” [S]he gave him a quick hug.<br /><br />"Hi[.]” Kieran was almost inaudible.<br /><br />Shawn crouched down meeting Kieran’s eyes[.] “Hi, Kieran. I didn’t mean to scare you.”<br /><br />Really great note to end on here. I always admire a man who can talk to children!! <br /><br />Great read, as always!barbara @ de rebushttp://www.barbaragildea.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-67079314315630128612012-06-01T05:55:33.389-05:002012-06-01T05:55:33.389-05:00Good job! I think the danger in writing kids is o...Good job! I think the danger in writing kids is oversimplifying them. You did a good job of avoiding that - showing Kieran's emotions and thoughts to be truly complex, but still childlike. I like it!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02887928096510492352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-37169217906668770472012-05-31T22:45:34.333-05:002012-05-31T22:45:34.333-05:00Interesting take on the prompt, I am very curious ...Interesting take on the prompt, I am very curious to know how all these pieces are going to fit together :) Good Luck at camp!Kalamapelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00882872478136709313noreply@blogger.com