tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post5578390635474938129..comments2023-06-01T07:00:31.254-05:00Comments on This is Not Hitchhiker's Guide: Two Choicesdontpanic2011http://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-84291158496579599732013-02-11T22:22:47.118-06:002013-02-11T22:22:47.118-06:00Thanks. I figured it was a good way to explain a ...Thanks. I figured it was a good way to explain a little without just putting it out there as an explanation. It just seemed to fit to convince Emma that way.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-61946804757347222452013-02-11T12:10:38.319-06:002013-02-11T12:10:38.319-06:00Ah, the origin myth! I love the backstory!Ah, the origin myth! I love the backstory!Cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05407917830307384493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-1971671222217430092013-02-10T21:26:09.774-06:002013-02-10T21:26:09.774-06:00Thanks for the concrit. I love your suggestion. ...Thanks for the concrit. I love your suggestion. I didn't really like that part but I couldn't figure out how to word it better. And I won't touch that last line! :)dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-55332387338122048192013-02-10T17:33:21.842-06:002013-02-10T17:33:21.842-06:00Ooh, love the way this scene unfolds and especiall...Ooh, love the way this scene unfolds and especially the way it ends. I think the structure may need a little tightening, but that's it and not too bad for a "Owler". :) I'm not sure about the "Like an idiot, unsure of myself". It didn't fit the scene. <br /><br />When you revisit: try "I still couldn’t wrap my mind around what Kris was saying. His story was absurd, ridiculous, but he sounded so serious. The air between us crackled with tension. He wanted - needed - me to believe him; I could see the desperation in his eyes. Could I believe him when I felt so dumb standing in his world?"<br /><br />Changing the focus from Kris sounding ridiculous but he was serious, to his words were ridiculous but he sounded serious, shifts the tone. She's just been fed a story that is contrary to anything she's been told before. It's okay for her to feel uncomfortable, and even angry at this story. <br /><br />But don't change the last line whatever you do. That's a brilliant line to end a chapter on. Well done!Shelton Keys Dunninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10551666631783476472noreply@blogger.com