tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post7964914078608187899..comments2023-06-01T07:00:31.254-05:00Comments on This is Not Hitchhiker's Guide: Choicesdontpanic2011http://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-20441739053319359032012-05-21T13:13:33.026-05:002012-05-21T13:13:33.026-05:00I am new to this story. Very interesting! I feel b...I am new to this story. Very interesting! I feel badly for Shawn and I'm not liking Rachel - but I wonder what her back story is, too...JD @ Honest Momhttp://honestmom.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-51265812078164304972012-05-20T19:18:31.559-05:002012-05-20T19:18:31.559-05:00AH! I wanna know what happens next! I feel for Sha...AH! I wanna know what happens next! I feel for Shawn-what a tough choiceAmandaDFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15583952102240050607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-86872590071328217672012-05-20T16:58:09.357-05:002012-05-20T16:58:09.357-05:00Wow, that ending made me feel bad for Shawn. Very ...Wow, that ending made me feel bad for Shawn. Very nice.Patricia JLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17582005500429122486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-33310360850912440692012-05-20T11:51:25.875-05:002012-05-20T11:51:25.875-05:00Very nice... I enjoyed this - definitely a big dec...Very nice... I enjoyed this - definitely a big decision to make!<br /><br />I haven't read much else from this story - so please take my thoughts on Sean with a grain of salt! What I see in him is a practical thinker - in love, but not wiling to let that love overshadow all else. Until he does!<br /><br />But of course, your last line is the killer: "He didn’t miss that all she showed was relief at his words as she left."<br /><br />Genius! Can't wait to see how this shakes out!Barbara @ de rebushttp://www.barbaragildea.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-61453168382799266752012-05-20T02:25:12.195-05:002012-05-20T02:25:12.195-05:00Sacrificial lamb to the slaughter...wouldn't i...Sacrificial lamb to the slaughter...wouldn't it be a kicker if Rachel was interrogated and imprisoned anyway? The possibilities behind this story are delicious. <br /><br />Concrit: If you keep this passage, I'd remove the following: The only question left was whether or not they could do anything about it.<br /><br />Shawn implies this in his conversation 2 paragraphs later and I think the sentence just before it carries a bit more impact. <br /><br />You've got an emotionally charged scene that appears to be a pivotal point in the story. I think with a bit of fleshing out, this would supply a very suspenseful chapter.<br /><br />Well done!Shelton Keys Dunninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10551666631783476472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-37025347516274277432012-05-19T22:10:54.347-05:002012-05-19T22:10:54.347-05:00This is the first time I've met Shawn and Rach...This is the first time I've met Shawn and Rachel. This short piece told me so much about them. You did a wonderful job showing how tender and caring he is, and her not so much! I enjoyed it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541776489302692674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-63123135515574954982012-05-19T13:31:12.941-05:002012-05-19T13:31:12.941-05:00To say Rachel is ungrateful, would be an understat...To say Rachel is ungrateful, would be an understatement. I enjoyed this scene very much - lots of choice and uncertain consequence.<br /><br />One concrit? This line: "If all Command did was kick them out, which they would be insanely lucky to get off that easy, he had other options."<br /><br />I think it is kind of jumbled. Maybe this would work? "As insane as it may seem, Command could choose to simply kick them out. If that happened, he would have more options."<br /><br />I don't know. I know that doesn't have the same voice as yours. No matter, I still loved this piece!Denisehttp://racingwarrior.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-16824139320532233512012-05-18T23:45:17.874-05:002012-05-18T23:45:17.874-05:00I like this. You did a great job with the prompt, ...I like this. You did a great job with the prompt, and you fleshed out the characters very nicely. I already don't like this Rachel, and I want to read more about Shawn.<br /><br />Nicely done!TMWHickmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11099277984216556857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-24617633190211764892012-05-18T20:33:44.920-05:002012-05-18T20:33:44.920-05:00Sounds like a scary world they live in. Don't ...Sounds like a scary world they live in. Don't think I'd want to live there.Waterfallhttp://www.waterfallmind.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-36110570855870821382012-05-18T19:29:45.263-05:002012-05-18T19:29:45.263-05:00Oh, the last line is killer! I feel like that'...Oh, the last line is killer! I feel like that's such a punch after he makes the choice to save her instead of letting her take the blame for what she did.angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14974137283220034062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-61239875683271598832012-05-18T19:11:54.074-05:002012-05-18T19:11:54.074-05:00I acutally don't know for sure what happened b...I acutally don't know for sure what happened before this. I just know that the choice he makes here has some rather dramatic consequences for him later. As for how he fixes it, that is a little clearer in my head - but can't come out yet. His story is the one I'm contemplating for Camp NaNoWriMo.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-48226425857376221052012-05-18T19:09:34.103-05:002012-05-18T19:09:34.103-05:00Yeah - she is in a way but there's more than t...Yeah - she is in a way but there's more than that to her. Not sure how much of her will end up coming out in the longer piece I'm contemplating, but she is actually a vital part of what happens later to him. If you're interested, Shawn is actually introduced in the NaNoWriMo piece I did last year. You can find it on Smashwords.com. It's called Tattoos.dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-40439907726979142182012-05-18T15:13:57.110-05:002012-05-18T15:13:57.110-05:00Ah ah ah I want more! What happened before this? H...Ah ah ah I want more! What happened before this? How does he fix it? Nice hook job on me!Kalamapelehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00882872478136709313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362433707008186716.post-24696234861631457472012-05-18T14:23:44.151-05:002012-05-18T14:23:44.151-05:00Ouch, all she was was relieved? That's cold! ...Ouch, all she was was relieved? That's cold! (As you can see, I'm all involved with these characters now - so well done you!)Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02887928096510492352noreply@blogger.com