Thursday, March 1, 2012

Write On Edge Prompt: Dusseldorf Opening Line

For Friday, I challenge you with this opening line:
“It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf…”
You have 500 words.


This was quite wide open.  I am thinking of turning this into an ongoing story, posting pieces as they come to me.  Let me know what you think.


It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf, where I found myself sitting at the Tir Na Nog for a meeting with my contact.

‘Kinda ironic’, I thought, ‘Here I am sitting in an Irish bar in the middle of Germany.  Worse yet – I’m meeting a Brit.  What the hell am I doing here without backup I can trust?’

“Pardon me, might you be Emma?” a smooth, British baritone voice interrupted my thoughts.

I looked up to see the most drop dead gorgeous man I’d ever seen.  He had to be 6’5” and absolutely ripped.  He had dark hair that just brushed his shoulders.  His sapphire dress shirt was unbuttoned at the top, revealing a perfectly golden tan that couldn’t be natural yet too good to be fake.

I blinked and had to clear my throat several times before I could answer, “Yeah.  That’s me.”

“My name is James.  I am very glad you agreed to meet me here first.  May I have a seat?”

“I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head trying to get it back out of the clouds, “Please.  Have a seat.”

“I need to make sure you understand before we proceed that this may be a very risky venture should you choose to continue.”

I thought about what he was getting at.  I knew there were some huge risks involved.  But, I couldn’t back down after coming this far.  I had to get in with these people and find out what was really going on.  James was my ticket in and I couldn’t pass it up.

“I’m sure.  I’ve flown half way around the world tracking this thing.  There is something going on and I need to know what it is.  The trail leads to them.  I have to do this.”

“I thought you might say that.  I must caution you, though, this may not work.  They are perhaps one of the most secretive clans I know.  I can assure you that no one there would have harmed anyone.”

“Tell that to my sister.  Oh, wait.  You can’t.  She’s dead.  Her murderer’s trail leads here.  Brayden said you’d help me.  Are you gonna help or am I wasting my time?”

“Please, I meant no offense.  But, understand, things here are not the same as they are in America.  Clans like this one are not given the same freedoms here.  That has an impact on how they perceive outsiders.  But,” James stood up, “If you are prepared, we can leave tonight.  They have agreed to meet us on the outskirts of the city.”

I dropped a couple of paper bills on the table, shrugged back into my black leather jacket to protect against the still falling rain, slammed the last two swallows of my beer and gestured for James to lead the way.

He gave me a rather quizzical look before he turned and stepped out into the sodden, halogen lit German night.

“Finally,” I thought as I followed him, ‘I’ll find the ones responsible for Laura’s death.’

5 comments:

  1. ooh, I'm glad you're planning on continuing with this. There is a lot that sounds like "missing backstory" that I want to read about :)

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  2. Ooh! This was a great opening for a novel. I can't wait to read more!

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  3. Hey, you've got me! I definitely want to know more. Please do continue this story. It was interesting and left me lots of questions.

    More, more, more....

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  4. I like the air of mystery surrounding the story. I feel excited and nervous for her as she proceeds on her quest.

    A little thing. I would drop the "voice" after the word "baritone". It's implied that you're describing his voice, and it snagged the flow of the piece a little bit for me.

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  5. Great start! The following:

    But, I couldn’t back down after coming this far. I had to get in with these people and find out what was really going on. James was my ticket in and I couldn’t pass it up.

    “I’m sure. I’ve flown half way around the world tracking this thing. There is something going on and I need to know what it is. The trail leads to them. I have to do this.”

    Sounds repetitive. I think some simple, tighter rephrasing would let the flow read a little cleaner.

    I love the idea though. I'm intrigued. This has serious series potential. Well done!

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