Friday, September 21, 2012

Clue

This was a great prompt from Write on Edge this week.  I loved the game Clue as a kid.  I haven't played it in years but it still stands out for me.  Anyways, here's the prompt:

This week we asked you to use the words “candlestick”, “scarlet”, and “library”, inspired by one of my favorite movies (and games) Clue: The Movie.

We were given 250 words.  Here's my take:


“The cause of death is blunt force trauma.”

“What about a murder weapon?”

“Believe it or not, a candlestick.”

No one spoke.

“Cut!” the director stormed onto the set, “Raina!  What the hell happened?”

“Sorry.  I thought I saw someone who didn’t belong here,” she stared out into the darkness enveloping the stage where they were filming.

The director sighed and scrubbed his face with one hand, a clipboard in the other, “Alright.  Let’s take a break people.  We’ll shoot this again in ten.”

A flood of bodies left the area.  Raina made her way back to her trailer.  She knew she had to get it together soon or she’d be dropped.  This was her big break.  She couldn’t waste it.  There was too much at stake.  Much more than just a career in Hollywood.

The break flew by.  Raina grabbed her script.  With one hand on the knob, someone knocked at her trailer door.  Thinking it was someone telling her she was needed on set, she yanked the door open to give them a piece of her mind.  To her surprise it was a flower delivery guy.

“You Raina Kirkwood?”

“Yeah,” she answered slowly.

“These are for you,” he thrust the paper wrapped bouquet at her.

After he took off, she unwrapped the flowers.  It wasn’t the dozen scarlet long stem roses that captured her attention.  The enclosed note held her gaze.

‘If you want to see your son alive, come to the West Hollywood Library at midnight tonight.’

32 comments:

  1. Very nice snippet. Provocative. well crafted. And the three words fit perfectly without being obvious at all. Excellent use of the prompt.

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    1. Thanks! I was hoping the words weren't too obvious where they fit into the rest of the piece.

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  2. Ooooh! What's at stake? Sounds like a woman with a very checkered past and a terrifying future!

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    1. To be honest, I have no idea! When I was thinking about the prompt, this scene came to mind. I wanted to stay with the mystery theme but make it more real. I may have to revisit this one to see where it goes more at some point...

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  3. Nice! I wasn't expecting that, and I like that you used the clue words to piece together a mystery of another type. I liked that at the beginning she seems a little high strung and paranoid, but then it turns out that she had a right to feel that something was wrong.

    Also, adorable little turtle in your thumbnail :)

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    1. Thanks! I'm happy to hear the scene worked as well as I'd pictured it in my head.

      The turtle is my son at just shy of a month old. Admittedly, I'm rather biased, but I think he's adorable in that picture as well.

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  4. Very nice - A great opening to a mystery! Interesting backdrop, a character with a shady past, a son in danger. You are good to go!

    :)

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    1. Thanks! This is way different from what I usually write. I love to hear that it is working well as an intro.

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  5. I agree that the prompt words were woven in flawlessly here, and I agree that it was a amazing to take those words and build a modern mystery. I also liked the turning of something so traditionally beautiful, (flowers) into a harbinger of doom.

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    1. I hadn't looked at the flowers that way - they were a convenient way to work in the word scarlet and deliver the message. But, now that you put it that way, they are a harbinger of doom then, aren't they? Thank you!

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  6. Great job. Love the ending especially. Suddenly everything becomes very real!

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    1. I'm glad you liked my little play on acting/fantasy that turned real. I figured it'd be a fun way to stay in the "Clue" spirit.

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  7. mystery upon mystery. You've got the beginning of an intriguing story.

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    1. Thank you. Like I said, this isn't typically what I write but I may have to go out of my normal comfort zone and experiment with this one some...

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  8. Sounds like Raina has a past! Fun read.

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    1. She certainly does. I'm not sure what it is, but she is not all that she seems. Glad to hear you enjoyed it.

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  9. This was the best I've read yet. Makes you want more. Well done!
    Barbara

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  10. Oooh! When I saw the flowers, I thought it was going a totally different direction. Well done!

    The only thing I would work on is the transition between scene A and scene B, which I'm sure would be more graceful given a less stringent word limit!

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    1. Yeah - I struggled with that transition. I'm not sure if it was the word count or just not thinking well there. The less stringent word count certainly would help. Thanks for both the encouragement and the concrit!

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  11. Everyone touched on my thoughts. I found out recently that "alright" isn't a word. Bummer, 'cause I use (used)it all the time. My editor told me it's "all right" every time, regardless of the context. Now, like with doctors, I'm going to seek a different opinion, but I thought I'd give you a heads up.

    Like the premise. Well done!

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    1. Oh goody. One of those debates, hunh? I'll have to keep that in mind. Thanks for stopping by!

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  12. Well, now, you have the beginnings of a nice little mystery story here. I liked the ending, and I'm wondering where you will take this. Great job!

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    1. Yep. I will add this one to my list of prompts to continue playing with at some point. Gotta finish a few other WIP first, though. Thanks!

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  13. The end caught me by surprise. I was expecting a long lost lover. There is more?
    Also, love her name, happens to be my granddaughter's name :-)

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    1. No more yet but, hopefully if I can finish a few other WIP, there will be more. Thanks!

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  14. Oh man, I really hate endings like that! I need to know what happens next! Great use of the words and making me want more.

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    1. I'll take this as a great compliment. Thanks!

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  15. Definitely revisit! This is really good.

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    1. Thanks! I think I've found a new genre to explore.

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