Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A Choice

This time I combined Trifecta's prompt with the Write At the Merge prompt.  Partly because I am still looking for time to write between a busy work schedule and caring for my 5 month old.  But also because, after mulling over the prompts for a while, they came together in the scene below.  I'm not sure what else there is to the scene at this point, but it is a turning point for Shay.  That's for certain.  Anyways, here were the prompts -

Write At the Merge had us combining a beautiful photo of hot air balloons and the Nirvana song "Plateau".

Trifecta gave us the word Intention.

Here's my offering:


“It’s okay, baby.  We’ll move to Mexico.  Caden can learn Spanish,” his voice faded into a buzz.

It was always the same.  Start over with something else, or somewhere else.  That was always the answer.  Shay’d lost track of how many times Robert told her that.  Each time he managed to convince her that things would be different, that this time it would work.

But nothing ever changed.  Robert would end up doing the same shit and, before long, the same speech would begin again.  Move to a new place, start a new career.

Shay felt like she’d gotten waylaid somewhere along her way to the top.  She’d always aspired to higher things.  Then, somehow, she found herself stuck with Robert.  Pretty, grand words floated in a majestic cloud around him.  But never anything more than another good intention.

That night she chose.  Shay ghosted around the ramshackle apartment collecting her and Caden’s things.  They made a pretty meager pile by the door.  Once they were loaded into the car, she picked up Caden from his temporary nest of blankets on the floor and strapped him in his car seat.  Once he was secured in the car, she drove away.

Will Robert even notice we’re gone, she thought as she glanced back once.  The rundown apartment building dwindled into nothingness in her rearview mirror, taller peaks growing in her mind’s eye.

24 comments:

  1. I like it-sometimes it is wiser to move away to a better life or at least the possibility of one rather than get stuck in a rut-a sweet end for sure:-)

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    1. Thanks. I'm not entirely sure she's getting a better life, but she certainly couldn't stay where she was anymore.

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  2. I like that she made the decision and left, both for her sake and the sake of their boy. You can feel her disillusion with his lack of follow-through, yet the wistfulness of the pictures he paints.
    ~Angela

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    1. And that was why she stayed as long as she did. He always painted something better but never followed through. Thanks!

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  3. That was very brave of her! I hope things work out!

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    1. It isn't clear right now. Thanks for stopping!

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  4. I liked your phrase Shay ghosted around. Good image.

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    1. Thanks. I was hoping the phrase worked to show what was happening with out sounding cliché.

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  5. "she glanced back once" sort of says it all to me. She is slightly wistful about the good memories she must have with him, but at the same time it shows that she won't regret her decision.

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    1. Yep. It is certainly a difficult position for her. Thanks!

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  6. Lots of girls fall for the pretty stories, but pretty don't feed the child. I like that she was strong enough to want, and seek, a better life, even if it meant leaving the familiar.

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    1. Yeah. It's sad how often girls fall for that even when they really, honestly know better. Now, if only they were all strong enough to walk away.

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  7. It is sad, but hints at fresh promise. So hard to make a decision like that. Nice piece!

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    1. Thanks! I'm not sure where this is going, if it will pan out or not, but at least she's trying.

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  8. Such a good job of making me feel her disillusionment. And her decision to pack up and leave felt like a sigh of relief.

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  9. Very nice story! Lots of great lines throughout such as, "Pretty, grand words floated in a majestic cloud around him." Thanks for sharing such good work.

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    1. Thank you! I didn't want to use clichés, even though the situation itself is almost cliché. I'm glad you liked them.

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  10. Go Shay! Objects in the rear-view mirror may appear closer than they are...oops, just channeled Meatloaf.

    This is a lovely scene, written with a haunted style. Perfect I think for the situation. Well done!

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    1. Ooo, I hate it when Meatloaf does that! :-P

      Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  11. "Shay ghosted around the ramshackle apartment collecting her and Caden’s things."

    A rich, evocative line. Love it!

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    1. That seems to be a somewhat popular line. I'm so happy to hear it worked. I struggled for a bit with it as I was afraid it could fall flat without the right words there.

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  12. Good for her. I like how you set up the characters--from your intro, it sounds like this is part of something larger, but ist stands alone very well.

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    1. It isn't currently part of anything larger, but most things I write tend to take on a life of their own, so, who knows where this will go. Thanks for stopping by!

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