Thursday, February 6, 2014

The Exodus

I combined two prompts tonight.  First, Write On Edge gave us a surprise prompt.  We were given the first line:

"The bells of St. Brigit's are calling tonight."

and were told to add 100 words to it for a total of 108 words.

Studio 30+ chose to reuse a phrase from a fellow blogger's entry last week:

"hung in tatters above her"

I give you a scene that kinda just popped into my head.  I know, the moroseness of my writing lately is a bit odd, but I'm just going along for the ride at the moment.  As always, concrit is most welcome.


“The bells of St. Brigit’s are calling tonight.”

“They must have gotten yesterday’s report.”

They both stood there listening to the sonorous tolling of the bells.  One unending string of beats, each beat a life that was lost.  He went inside to finish packing.  She paused on the balcony.  The clouds hung in tatters above her like the rotted remnants of shrouds hiding nothing but brittle bones of long dead souls.

She shook her head.  The daily ritual of ringing the bells for each Great Plague death was bringing her down.  She pondered how much longer the ringers would be there to ring.



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20 comments:

  1. The goal of these word-limit exercises it to do a lot with a little, and that you did. So bleak, and so completely described through such a short scene. Love it!

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    1. Thanks! It was interesting to fit this in with just 100 words.

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  2. Sometimes you HAVE to let your writing take you for a ride. Remember, we write with our whole bodies, our mind, our heart, our soul. Let it be! good job!

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    1. And that's why I went with this. Maybe it's the stress lately. I don't know, but I know the writing is a good thing for me and I'll just see where it goes most of the time!

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  3. Ooooh! Intriguing, and great imagery with the tattered clouds as rotting shrouds. Nice take on the prompt.

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    1. Thanks! That tattered clouds line was part of one prompt, so I can't take all the credit for that. But, it did lend itself nicely as the inspiration for the rest of the line. Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. Lovely use of both prompts, though. My concrit is that the voice sounds modern (finish packing, bringing her down), so when you said Great Plague I had to stop and debate whether we were talking about Middle Ages or apocalyptic future.

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    1. Good point. I guess I knew in my mind where I was. That time thing will have to be clarified if/when I mess with this one more. It is suppose to be a variation on the Apocalyptic Future thing.

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  5. That last line really brings it home. Morose, maybe, but but life isn't all sugar and spice and everything nice.

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    1. Isn't that the truth about life?! I struggled a bit to get this down to the 100 additional words, but I knew that last line had to be where it ended. I'm glad it worked so well.

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  6. This was a grim piece in all the right ways. The opening raised just the right amount of curiosity in the reader as to the meaning behind the tolling bells that the reveal at the end was greatly anticipated (and did not disappoint). Your imagery was powerful - and the idea of the clouds being like rotted shrouds was both apt and suitably sepulchral. Great work

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    1. Thank you! The editing down to fit the word limit was a bit of a challenge in a few spots, but this scene popped into my mind and begged to be written. I will have to look at coming back to this one.

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  7. Interesting take. The image of tolling for the dead is so strong. btw have you read Daniel Defoe's 'Journal of a Plague Year' I really liked it LM x

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    1. I have not read that one. I will have to add it to my list to read. Thanks for stopping by and for the book suggestion!

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  8. The acceptance and finality in this is striking. Thanks for linking up, Wisper!

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    1. Thank you! The rest of the scene in my head would explain some of what is hinted at here. Hopefully I can wrap up a few other pieces and get to playing with this one some.

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  9. Killer ending... Thanks for playing, it's always a pleasure to read you!

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    1. Thank you! I love playing and the prompts you give have been wonderful!

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  10. You did a fantastic job with this prompt!

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    1. Thank you! It was one of those that almost wrote itself.

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