Friday, July 18, 2014

Going Home at Last

Here's another scene from my short story, Through the Gates of Hell.  The main character's been travelling through Hell on a mission from the priestess.  He's gotten the help of a demon named Nybbas along the way in exchange for taking Nybbas with when he leaves - which he had no idea how to do when he promised that.  And the fact that he chases demons and evil spirits and sends them to Hell.  Just before this scene starts the priestess contacts him via something like telepathy where they discuss whether or not she will help him bring Nybbas with when she brings him out of Hell.  This scene was in part inspired by a prompt from Studio 30 Plus.  See if you can find the line and check out other great takes on this line over at Studio 30 Plus.

            He was just about asleep when he felt the ants in his brain again.  Sitting up he rubbed his eyes and stretched a little first.
            Good evening, priestess.
            “You are different.  This bears much questioning.  But that must wait.  All is ready to bring you back.  You and the demon.”
            Excellent.  I told him you would help him.  I think he still doubts me, but this will show him.
            “You must be in contact with the demon.  Then repeat the words ‘Novas veritum marnieas voratu lum’.  Then you will be brought home.”
            Novas veritum marnieas voratu lum.  Got it.  We will be there before you can blink.
            “It will take longer than that.”
            I didn’t mean it literally.
            “Go.  Bring the demon with you.”
            Yes, ma’am.
            He felt the ants crawl away.  There seemed to be an odd vibe to it this time, as if the ants were stomping rather than just walking.  But it also left him with an interesting conundrum.  One he wanted solved as soon as possible but had no clue where to start.  How did one wake a sleeping demon without being eaten alive once the demon woke up?  Not that he really though Nybbas would eat him, but he was sure the demon had some nasty tricks up his sleeve if he wanted to use them.
            “Nybbas.  Time to go.  You awake?”
            “Nybbas no sleep.  Not need.  Nybbas leave now.”
            “Yeah.  Like I said, time to go.  Get over here so I can get you out of here.”
            “You taking Nybbas with?”
            “Do I really have to say it again?  Get your tail over here.  No offense, but I’ve had enough of being here.  I am looking forward to going home.  So, let’s go.”
            He had to smile at the incongruous picture in front of him.  A demon bouncing up and down with excitement just like a 2 year old kid.  Certainly wasn’t an image he’d have ever thought he would see.
            Nybbas joined him, he took Nybbas by the arm and repeated the words the priestess gave him.

            That’s when it all began to fall apart.  Both literally as the cavern melted away into a swirling mass of color and shape none of which made sense, and in the figurative sense when a strong, painful melting sensation began.  It continued for several seconds before abruptly ceasing.


  1. You have some imagination. Interesting.

    1. This particular short story started with a Master Class prompt over at From My Write Side. It was an interesting prompt that has since taken a life of it's own. These folks have hijacked my brain and wrote their own story. Yeah. Sorry. Imagination getting away on me again. Thanks and thanks for stopping by!

  2. I liked the image of the demon's happy dance. The description of "ants in his brain," when the priestess talks to your MC, is chilling. It made my own head itch. Nicely done.

    1. Thanks! I'm happy that my writing is able to provoke a reaction. I take that to mean I'm doing my job right. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. "bring the demon with you" , Gosh I just loved that line.

    This was such a good, telling chapter. WOW!

    1. Thanks! This has been a fun story to write. And I just finished it!!! On to the editing process and maybe I'll even get it submitted somewhere for publication.

  4. Whhat an imagination! beebeesworld