Friday, June 8, 2012

Write On Edge: To the Moon

This week's prompt from Write On Edge: I gave you have 500 words to write a piece, fiction or non-fiction, which includes the phrase “to the moon.”

Let me put one minor disclaimer on my take on the prompt this week.  I'm attempting to do Camp NaNoWriMo this month as well.  So, this is an exerpt from Shawn's story - which is what I am working on for Camp.  That being said, please bear in mind that this is not very polished yet.  With that, please enjoy another snippet in Shawn's life.



Shawn got clearance and eased out of the launch bay.  Once he was clear of the space station, he set a course to the moon.  On the way, he explored some of the finer capabilities of his new fighter.  All too soon he was requesting landing clearance from Makeb hanger.  Upon landing, Shawn secured his fighter and headed for the Nor’Wind Bar.

“Hey, handsome, looking for a little company tonight?” a gorgeous brunette caressed Shawn’s arm within seconds of him setting foot in the bar.

“Thanks, but I’m looking for someone,” he tried to disentangle himself from her.

“I can be her.  I can be anyone you want.”

“Trust me on this one.  You look like you’re an amazing woman.  But I’m not looking for that kind of company at this particular moment.”

“Let me know if you change your mind, but don’t wait too late.  I’m not the type to wait forever,” she sauntered away.

Shawn was convinced she’d done it to rub in what he was missing.  And she was fine.  But he needed to find Kristiana.  This was the last place he knew she’d been working.  He hoped she was still here.

He made his way through the crowded lounge area to the bar that spanned the entire length of the building.  Scanning the faces behind the bar, he spotted her on the far end.

“As I live and breathe,” she looked genuinely surprised as she caught sight of Shawn pulling back one of the stools., “What in the bloody blazes are you doing back here?”

“Lookin’ for some intel if ya got any.”

“If you ain’t careful ‘round here, you’ll be lookin’ for more than that.  I’m off in an hour.  We can talk then.”

Shawn nursed a couple of Bakarin beers while he waited for Kristiana.  An hour and a half later she joined him at the corner table where he’d secluded himself.  Looking around first, she slipped him a memory chip.

“So what kind of intel are ya lookin’ for?”

Shawn palmed the chip as he picked up his beer, “What’s the state of things on Delarin III station?”

“I can tell ya things ain’t good.  I hear more ‘n’ more complaints comin’ from those assigned there.  Yer name’s come up recently.”

Shawn paused, beer half way to his mouth when he heard that.

“Someone purty high up’s got somethin’ of a hard on for ya.  Seems ya did somethin’ a while back that really put his dander up ‘n’ he’s been lookin’ for a way back atcha since then.”

Taking a slow drink to buy himself some time to think, he set his beer down before speaking, “Heard anythin’ else?”

“Yeah.  Sounds like this guy’s got some plan to getcha now.  Seems he’s been braggin’ ‘bout finally bein’ able to put you outta his misery.  Not much more than that comin’ outta Delarin Station.  Least ways nothin’ beyond the normal bull.”

21 comments:

  1. The prompt worked nicely for your story. You're brave to do dialect and you did it well.

    I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo, too. I hope your word count is better than mine. Good luck!

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    1. Yes, I was very happy to see the prompt because I knew I could kill two birds with one stone on this one. As for Camp - my word count isn't up to par, but I'm hoping to change that in the next few days. Good luck to you too!

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  2. Sounds like the poor guy is headed for trouble.

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    1. Oh yeah. He's getting into a whole heap of trouble. But I think it'll be worth it in the end for him - if I can get him there!

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  3. Frankly, it sounds like Shawn should take advantage of the first offer he got, because it seems things are going to get tricky for him.

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    1. Yeah, he'll be kicking himself over that one because things are not headed in a good direction for him. That's for sure.

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  4. I liked it and hope you keep up the installments. Keep us posted on the finished product, have a feeling it'll be good.

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    1. I will let ya'll know when it's done. Shawn's story actually picks up where my first one left off. It's called Tattoos. If you're interested you can find it on Smashwords.com.

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  5. Nice job. Look like things are going to get sticky for Shawn.

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    1. Sticky is certainly one way to put it. I don't think Shawn is going to put it quite that polite. Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. If that's rough I can't wait to read polished :-) It's a great little piece. I'm a big sci fi fan so I'm hoping you get it done!

    I'm very impressed that you are doing camp this month. I'm still too chicken to commit :-)

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    1. Thank you! As I mentioned to JeanElaine - some of the stuff Shawn is referencing in this piece is in my first longer work - Tattoos. It is up on Smashwords if you're interested in some of the background that is missing in this story.

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  7. I just love your dialogue. It's a strength of yours for sure.

    And....congrats on the upcoming baby!

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    1. Thanks on both accounts. My trick for dialogue is to do lots of listening to how people talk, not just what they talk about, and try to translate that into writing. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  9. It's funny...I'm not really a sci fi reader. Don't get me wrong, I'm a total Trekkie and love watching sci fi, but reading it is another matter.

    That being said, your stories have me hooked. You have an effortless way with words that bring me right into the story.

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    1. You know - I've found the same thing sometimes. I think it's because sometimes sci fi gets so bogged down in the details of the futuristic stuff you lose the story. At least that what it feels like to me. I am happy to hear you're enjoying the story so far!

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  10. Well done! You're movin' the plot along nicely. Good luck with Camp! I'm thrilled you're working on this story. Me Likes!

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    1. Thanks! I am so happy you like the story so far. I'll have to let ya'll know when it's done and reasonably edited.

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  11. I like that you used the prompt to really move the plot along here. I'm thinking Shawn might have been better off with the brunette ;)

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    1. Thanks! You're right in that he would be safer with the brunette....better off would be debatable.

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