Thursday, October 4, 2012

Money


Write on Edge had an interesting prompt this week: 

Money. We count it and trade it for the things we need, the things we want, and sometimes even the things we can’t really afford.
This week you have 450 words; the first and last lines will be provided, but the middle is up to you!
Beginning line: “Not everyone can be bought,” she said.
Ending line: He let the money fall onto the table and walked out.



“Not everyone can be bought,” she said.

“Sure they can.  You just have to find the right price.  And I have your price,” he gestured with the money in his hand.

“Bullshit.”

“If I recall correctly, your sister is sick.  The only place that has the treatments she needs is two protectorates over and in the control of a rather greedy magnate.  And you don’t have the money for it.”

She hesitated.  He was right about all of it.  She’d been trying to find a way to get the medicine but hadn’t found one.  She’d also promised their mother before her death that she’d protect her sister, take care of her.

“What is it you want me to do?” she cringed as she saw the triumph light up his eyes.  He really did have her price and they both knew it.

“Just one thing.  Pretty small, actually, and it won’t even be out of your way.  The Eastern Great Lakes Protectorate has something I want.  Retrieve it while you’re there and we’re even.”

“And if I don’t?” she knew she didn’t want to hear his answer but had no real choice.

“Then you and your dear sister belong to me,” he said a Cheshire Cat grin on his face.

“What about your wife?” she struggled to find an alternative to his penalty.

“What about her?” the nonchalance told her he’d done this several times before.

“How many others are there?” her voice was just a whisper.

“I don’t know why that makes a difference.”

“Because it will,” she snapped.

“Fourteen,” he replied without blinking.

“What?  You’ve got fourteen other women in your compound?  You’re holding them as slaves?”

“Now, now.  That’s a bit harsh.  They’re indentured servants.  They entered into their contracts willingly.  They knew the consequences for failure.”

“And I bet they had about as much of a choice as you’re giving me.”

“Yes, they had the choice just like you do now.  You don’t have to take the money.  But consider the consequences if you don’t,” he moved to look out the window at the ice encrusted world that used to be the city of Duluth, “Just how long does she have?  Two months the doctors figured?”

She nodded her head, too busy trying not to cry to answer aloud.

“I don’t know what else you’ll do to get the money, and more importantly, the treatments in that time.  Have you got another plan?”

She shook her head as he dug at her secret.

“Do we have a deal then?”

“Yes,” she couldn’t look at him, feeling dirty and sick at the devil’s deal she just made.

He let the money fall onto the table and walked out.


This is an idea I'm playing around with as I contemplate NaNoWriMo next month.  Let me know what you think.

24 comments:

  1. Oooh! Intriguing. Using oneself as currency.

    It's interesting to see how many people used this prompt in regard to healthcare.

    Really well written. Nice to meet you, Wisper.

    And thanks for bopping by my place.

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    1. Thanks. I'm still playing with the idea and am not sure that the sick sister is the motivation I want, but it works for now.

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  2. Yeah, I like how you kept this on a reaslistic, personal level. This is so relatable. Your dialogue was great.

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    1. Thank you. The idea that this could happen in the near future is exactly what I was looking for.

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  3. I think it's an interesting motivation and one that many people can relate to. Fourteen women on a compound? He better be careful. That's a revolution waiting to happen.

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    1. Hmmm...that may have to work in there somewhere. Thanks for the idea.

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  4. I really liked the concept you have here! If you are looking at a future setting, I would suggest that you might want to find something to use as a hard currency instead of money. Mostly because paper money typically requires a stable and unified government.

    I think the story definitely has potential - it's already a compelling concept!

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    1. Good point about the money. I'll go back and look at that. Thanks for the feedback!

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    2. Go for gold - that's always a good one, or since you have a medicine slant here, have THAT be your currency (might be a personal bias on my part lol)
      :)

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    3. I was thinking something like gold. It can't be medicine unless I rearrange why she needs the currency to begin with - which is a possibility...

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  5. Hmmm...there is a lot of story in this. You could go in a lot of different directions. I would like to see more!

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    1. I think I will eventually explore this more even if I don't get to it for NaNo this fall.

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  6. ooo... definitely intriguing. moral crisis + pontential sex slaves = a great read.

    I wonder what other aspects of character your female lead may have? Will she had her own flaws that she brings to the table, or will she always be so virtuous?

    :)

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    1. I'm not sure. I have a concept for the story but not so much for characters. I'm wondering if I can figure them out before NaNo or if this idea will have to wait for a bit.

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  7. Interesting...I wonder if ANY of the women had a chance in hell of accomplishing whatever task he sets them. I wonder if it might be a trap...

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    1. Yeah - he certainly gives that impression, doesn't he? Then again, historically speaking indentured servitude tends to go in that direction.

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  8. I like it!! The dialogue was really great. In that short amount of words you definitely established the characters enough that I'm rooting for her to succeed and not be stuck with the creepy guy!

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    1. Thanks! He is a creep, isn't he? Or at least he gives that impression at the moment.

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  9. That was great. Made me really feel for the woman and how she knew she was being manipulated.

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    1. That sucks, doesn't it, to know you're being manipulated and not being able to do anything about it.

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  10. This was a fun read. It was also hard to read emotionally because she knows that she has lost the game before it even really began. I too agree with the currency and in addition to the gold option is something along the lines of canned food, both valuable for the food and can itself, or fuel of some kind, power, batteries maybe. I for some reason didn't jump to the women as sex slaves but rather as experiments, that he had them for some other far more sinister reason. Run with it!

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    1. Ooo. More good ideas! Thanks for the feedback and suggestions.

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  11. I LIKE IT:~) Go with it. You had me from the beginning to the end. I want to know more. I loved this line, "She shook her head as he dug at her secret."

    I too preferred the idea of the women being used for something other than sex, which is only implied by your line about his wife...Otherwise, I would have figured they were workers or something else. But that's easy to fix...the idea of this story is a good one and I recommend going for it:~)

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    1. I'm not sure what the women are being held for other than they didn't fulfill their contracts. I do like that the implication is something sinister at least for this scene. I'll have to consider and clarify what they are actually doing elsewhere in the story because that's not really what's going on. Thanks for the input!

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